Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Randomize
