worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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