You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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