2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
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