I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
