Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Randomize
