We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
