Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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