He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Someone shit on the floor
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Randomize
