yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
he thought i was a dude.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
