I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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