if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
