can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
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