he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
