not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I just want nice things and good sex
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
