he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Randomize
