thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
