Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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