Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
