he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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