Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
