Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Randomize
