I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
i believe in u and ur pee
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Randomize
