The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
