Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
