here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
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