We named our party play list daddy issues
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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