It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
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