you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
