also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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