I'm so fucking centered right now
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Randomize
