Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
