I'm going to jail i love you
You smell like stripper and shame
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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