Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
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