i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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