doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
