sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Randomize
