i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
