We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Randomize
