You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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