I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Randomize
