i permit you to call me
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
