I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Randomize
