Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
