What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
