how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Randomize
