Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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