Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
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