So drunk, too bad you don't want this
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
