Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
