i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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