There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
