I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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