woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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